Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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