so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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