Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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