is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
