I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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