That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
