I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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