Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
