Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
How's work?
Spinning.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
