Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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