Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
