My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
