oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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