At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
