moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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