The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
