***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
