so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
