I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
