Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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