Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
