I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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