So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We are two peas in an std pod
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
