Your face is a jimmy john
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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