I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
