Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
