Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
