better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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