Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
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