He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
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