its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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