She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
