Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Semen is not good for contacts.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
