Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
