She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
