..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
