U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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