under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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