My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
