Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
