I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
