my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
