A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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