He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
