We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
