It's like God shit irony all over that family
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
