I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
