how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
