these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
