Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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