My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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