it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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